Who am I?

 
It is the ultimate question. The ‘who am I really?’ - The “why I am here” and “what could I be” questions…have pondered the minds of philosophers for centuries.
 
Identity is complex – and it is concerned with how you see yourself in relation to others and how others see you. Your sense of identity develops over your lifetime – I like to call this the process of “becoming”.
 
If you are over the age of 35, you may well have started this philosophical questioning yourself. To be more precise, if you are female, you may begin to ask this around 35 years, if you are male, you may wait until you are in your 40s.
 
As we get older and more settled in our careers – we may experience “mini internal conflicts” e.g. we begin to resist becoming “organisational clones” - something we may have well embraced when we were starting out. We want to be true to ourselves. To do this, we need to know to what it is we are being true.
 
Some researchers predict that this ‘questioning’ is a phase of our lives which could happen at any time and that it is to do with our ‘generativity’, i.e. what we will leave behind.
 
For many of us, this is having children, and the contribution and difference their children will make in the world. This is literally bringing forth of the next generation. For others, generativity means an increased desire to help others, to act as a mentor within your business and to bring forth the new generation in the business sense. In short, these questions relate to our human desire to create a legacy, to leave something of ourselves behind. To do this, we need to be clear about what we have to ‘offer’.
 
Certainly any time I work with someone and they have any kind of psychological profiling, their excitement is palpable. Their eyes light up and very often their hands are shaking with excitement or perhaps anxiety! Frequently, I hear comments such as “ I am worried about what I might read” or “ I am feeling very nervous”. Excitement, fear curiosity are all paramount  in this tantalising moment of self truth. Why is it that for many of us -we seem to think that we do not really know ourselves at all?
 
What interests me is the desire we have to find out more about ourselves, I have often wondered if it is related to our survival? Certainly in the world of occupations and business, survival in this context makes complete sense. The ancient phrase “ know thyself” and its modern equivalent “ know your own mind” are familiar resonances. The more you know of yourself, and how others see you is a measure of what some psychologists call “ emotional maturity”.
 
Clearly there are benefits related to this ‘survival’. It could be argued that if you know your self well and you have a good awareness of how others see you then you stand a fair chance of being able to influence, resolve conflict, persuade, be heard, and of course, get more of what you want in the way you want it.
 
The context of our current environment is important here too – we are tired of spin and rhetoric. We are no longer satisfied with platitudes and incomplete explanations. We want what is real, not broken promises. The recent interest in Authentic Leadership and the cultivation of trust in the workplace are examples of new and different thinking in these areas. I think this is related to our own quest to “be true to ourselves”.
 
So, whether it is an organisational, career or personal context, the questioning remains at the back of your mind, percolating away and manifesting itself in different ways over the years.
 
When the “who am I really” questions are conscious and felt -you may feel “incomplete” in some way, you may feel a sense of regret ..Or even an inner conflict. On the other hand you might begin to want to do and learn things you never would have thought possible when you were younger.
 
So, how can you get to know yourself better? As a good starting point I invite you to consider the following questions in a work context. Write down your answers as they come into your mind. Your written text will get you thinking!
 
So, here they are:
 
Who am I?
 
  1. In your work, what is really important to you?
  2. What are you passionate about?
  3. What would make you leave your current job?
  4. What would keep you in your current job?
  5. What did you want to be when you ‘grew up’.
  6. What is that feeling like now? ( Has the desire stayed, changed or are you in fact doing ‘what you wanted to be when you grew up’ now?
  7. What gives or has given you your greatest sense of accomplishment ever?
  8. If you were to leave your organisation in the foreseeable future, what would you like to be remembered for?
 
 
Were there some surprises? No surprises? You may feel in this short time that you did get to know yourself a little better, and I feel sure that you have enjoyed the experience!
 
“I spent the early part of my life pretending to be someone else. At school, I wanted to be a great athlete, at university, an admired socialite, afterwards a businessman and, later, the head of a great institution. It did not take me long to discover that I was not destined to be successful in any of these guises, but that did not prevent me from trying, and being perpetually disappointed with myself.
The problem was in trying to be someone else, I neglected to concentrate on the person I could be. That idea was too frightening to contemplate at the time. I was happier going along with the conventions of the time, measuring success in terms of money and position, climbing ladders which others placed in my way, collecting things and contacts rather than giving expression to my own beliefs and personality”
 
Taken from: “The Hungry Spirit: Beyond Capitalism, a quest for purpose in the modern world” Charles Handy
 
 
You may of course be interested to know your self better by understanding  how others see you. There are of course “many possible selves”. This is the process of “becoming” I mentioned earlier - so begin to focus your attention on which of your “many possible selves” you want to test and learn.
 
Take the time to reflect – reflection is a great start but is not enough - you have to act too – interaction and engagement with the real world  gives you the opportunity to see yourself through your behaviours and this enables you to adjust your expectations as you learn and grow. So, as Charles Handy suggests – you need to give expression to your own beliefs and personality.
 
 
If you would like to develop this further, why not give me a call and I can discuss the various options you have.
 
·         360 Profiling
·         Personal Profiling
·         NLP Training
·         Coaching
·         Leadership Development
·         Crafting your identity
·         Shaping your Legacy
 
 
Next Introduction to NLP Seminar is 20th Nov in Newbury
www.nlptaster.co.uk
 
Become a Certified NLP Business Practitioner. This 8 days course begins Jan 2010. For your information pack, send an email to:

 info@mccallumassociates.co.uk

 
 
I look forward to hearing from you
 
With warmest wishes
 
Miriam
 
Related links: http://www.authenticleadership.com/about/